Love Detonates Radical Animosity - Tribal Network
The following story was originally published on the Tribal network on Dec. 22, 2020. Click here for the original page. Requires login.
BY ERIC PEREIRA
Lana al-Mudhaffar was preparing for an average day of teaching Arabic to her students at Meade Middle School in Maryland in 2015. She walked in, ready to start the lesson, when suddenly one of her students said something startling.
“Terrorist!” he yelled, and he was talking to her.
Opposites Attract
As a Shia Muslim, shock was her first reaction. But Lana isn’t the type to really make a scene out of these situations. She’s lived through three wars.
Lana is naturally quiet and shy and will not engage with people who have such polarizing opinions. She has survived three wars and will not let that get to her. On the other hand, her white husband, Michael Bevers from Bedford, Indiana, engages frequently. He has given conferences on Islamophobia and continues to do so.
Diverse opinions first crossed when Michael who was raised Catholic, was working to rebuild Iraqi governments — and crossed again after he married his Muslim wife.
“It seemed like everybody around me was telling me, “You’re better off being with a foreigner,” and I couldn’t see that for myself,” Lana said. “Across the years now, we always reflect on our relationship, and I think coming from different backgrounds, you learn a lot about yourself.”
Coming from a Catholic upbringing, Michael didn’t anticipate a life surrounded by the Arabic language and Muslim culture, nor did he foresee getting a doctorate in these studies. But new opportunities to have dialogue and concerted conversations across a spectrum of beliefs got him to where he is today.
“I think there was a change for me,” he said about the Middle East becoming an integral part of his career. “I think (it was) my experiences when I was overseas and when I returned back to the United States after being in Iraq for a couple of years, and in a position that wasn’t military.”
At the center of Michael’s professional experiences was the importance of people who are vastly different from each other to have dialogue, and tolerance plays a role in that.
“I’m convinced very few people have the ability to have an open mind, and I don’t think they understand the idea of tolerance,” Michael said. “If it’s something you don’t find abhorrent, then it’s not being tolerant. You’re not tolerating it.”
A Yearning to Rebuild
Back in 2008, Michael, a former Marine who served in Operation Desert Storm, had the opportunity to return to Iraq as a civilian to work as a political advisor. The state department was helping the Iraqi politicians build up communities following Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Michael was involved with the buildup to the first Democratic elections to be held in Iraq in 2009.
Some locals received the Embedded Provincial Reconstruction Team well, while others, like the governor of Mosul, didn’t want anything to do with these “occupiers.” Although Michael provided job opportunities in his role, he also spoke Arabic and was received pretty well for the most part as he could build genuine connections, many of which he maintains to this day.
However, as time passed, the project no longer met his vision for helping the Iraqi government reach democracy in their own unique way.
“Just my opinion … I found a lot of people working there as foreigners were just interested in a paycheck,” he said. “They weren’t really interested in helping improve the lives of Iraqi people.”
Pair this with seeing his friends die in an improvised explosive device incident in front of him, he knew it was time to move on.
While he did keep in contact with many locals, one person in particular changed his life forever. Michael ended up meeting Lana through this job.
Finding Common Ground
Their attempts to reach consensus amidst polarizing opinions followed Michael and Lana back to the U.S. Just as Michael had sometimes faced judgment as an “occupier” in the Middle East, Lana soon faced the same as an Arabic teacher in the U.S.
A couple of years after the school incident, a lady in a convenience store in Maryland told Lana, “You need to get out of this country.”
Lana again didn’t want to confront her, but Michael defended his wife.
“I said, ‘She has a right to be here. … I’m a former Marine. I served my country, and she worked with me,’ ” Michael recalled.
Michael and Lana’s relationship gives them the chance to educate people about their upbringing and lifestyles in a manner that news outlets aren’t always able to. Lana can talk more about her Arabic upbringing to Americans, and Michael can inform the Arabic community about the U.S.
But that can be a challenge when the U.S. has so many different cultures, ideologies, world views and different languages.
“I think you’re seeing that very same thing here (in the U.S.) today,” he said of trying to find consensus amidst diversity.
Reflecting on her marriage and seeing there were some uncomfortable moments, Lana is happy with the lessons it has taught her, even though she was hesitant at first.
“I have learned a lot about myself. I have crossed a lot of borders, I think, that kind of restricted me in my society, in my religion,” Lana said. “As you move and age, you see that sometimes all of these things don’t matter. They just crumble down, and all that is left is that human being — his heart, his soul — and you’re living your life together, and you’re happy. And that I think is what anybody can want in life.”
When was a time you met someone from a culture you didn’t understand? Or when was a time you felt you faced discrimination? How did you resolve the differences?
Written by Eric Pereira
